Exactly What I Was Feeling

Have you ever read a passage that resonates so deeply, that it’s as if the author captured exactly what you’re feeling? I recently had this experience while reading Jackie: Public, Private, Secret, a biography about Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. 

My sisters-in-law are visiting. They are huge Pittsburgh Steelers fans, but unfortunately, the game wasn’t aired on network television in my time zone. So, off we went in search of a place to watch it. While they watched, I decided to read (finally) one of the many books I had on my iPad.

Turns out, it was the right decision.

In the biography, I read that Jackie’s father used to recite to her a version of Rudyard Kipling’s famous lines from “If,” replacing the final phrase with something deeply personal: “And which is more, you’ll be the woman you’ve always been meant to be, my darling daughter.”

I had never heard of this poem, but I found tremendous wisdom in it. Not just in the lines John Bouvier shared with his daughter, but the entire poem. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and thought I’d share some takeaways.

1. Emotional Resilience: Kipling emphasizes staying calm and composed, even in challenging situations. Lines like “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs” highlight the importance of self-control and emotional stability, even in the face of adversity, disappointment, or criticism.
2. Self-Confidence and Humility: Kipling encourages confidence but warns against arrogance. He suggests that it’s important to believe in yourself, but also crucial to stay grounded. Maintaining inner calm doesn’t mean ignoring the challenges; it means choosing how you respond. By focusing on what you can control—your thoughts, actions, and reactions—you find a steadiness that can carry you through even the stormiest times in life.
3. Integrity and Respect for Differences: Kipling’s words remind us that true strength lies in knowing our own values but also acknowledging they may differ from others. By showing respect, we can stand by our beliefs while creating space for understanding others. When we honor our principles and recognize others’ right to do the same, integrity becomes a personal virtue and a bridge toward mutual respect and unity.
4. Balance and Self-Control: The poem advocates for balancing dreams with reality and remaining level-headed amid both success and failure. Kipling encourages a balanced approach to life, treating “triumph and disaster” as “two impostors” to remind us that neither should define us. Neither is permanent. Both come and go, shaping our lives but never fully defining them. When we learn to approach our successes and challenges with equal grace, we find a deeper sense of peace. This balance allows us to accept that every moment—good or bad—is part of a larger journey.
5. Mastery over Emotions and Desires: Kipling speaks to the value of self-discipline, stressing that one should govern emotions and desires rather than be controlled by them. This mastery is key to developing strength and maturity.

In changing and challenging times like personal transitions or societal chaos, it can feel like we’re being pulled apart with winners and losers. When that happens, it’s easy to lose sight of who we are as individuals and society. We feel like our identities are tied to roles or labels. But underneath those titles and expectations, there is a deeper self. One that holds the strengths, values, and wisdom to bridge divides, listen with compassion, and act with empathy.  

When we tap into that, we can begin to embrace our shared humanity and the values that unite us (they’re there, I promise). We can be the catalyst for positive change, creating a world where differences are respected and unity is celebrated. 

In this way, we each play a part in the larger story of healing, helping society move forward with grace, dignity, and the strength to truly come together. It’s not If, it can be When. And, it starts with one. If you’re not signed up to get my blog delivered to your email inbox, you can do that here.